One day in March 2002 the pig family had organised a football match against some visitors called The Baggies from a dark and dismal land called West Bromwich. The pig family didn’t really like the Baggies but some men from London told them they had to play the game and stop being spoilsports. So Daddy Pig decided he would have to make the best of it. And so he got all the little pigs together and excited them with wild talk about how proud he was to be a very important pig and how all the other pigs were so desperate for them to win the football match. When he had finished they were all of a fluster.

Simon, the goalkeeper, was so flustered in fact that he forgot he could not touch the ball with his hands outside the penalty box. When he did this, the nice referee, Mr Eddie, had to tell him that he had been very naughty and that he could not play any longer. This meant the pigs had only got ten of them left. One of the bigger pigs called George, really did not like one of the Baggies called Andy and so he decided to try to break his leg. Now you know that’s very naughty don’t you children. Anyway Mr Eddie had to tell George he couldn’t play any longer either. So, how many pigs does that leave children? Yes, that’s right, nine.

Now because the Baggies were very angry at what George had tried to do to Andy a fight started, in this fight another one of the pigs, Patrick headbutted one of the Baggies. Now that’s very naughty isn’t it children? Mr Eddie thought so too and told Patrick he couldn’t play any more as well. How many pigs does that leave now? Yes, eight, well done boys and girls.

Whilst all this had been happening the Baggies had scored 3 goals and the pigs had not scored any because they had been too busy being naughty. Daddy pig was really upset at this and he got even more upset when he found out that his enemy Taffy had taken his team of Owls to London and they were winning by 2 goals to nil. What was he going to do? All the Owls would laugh at him, many pigs would call up the local radio station and grumble about him, but he thought there was nothing he could do. After all he had only got eight pigs left on the pitch and there were eleven of the Baggies. And the Baggies daddy, Meggo was really an Owl in disguise so he wouldn’t help Daddy pig at all. And then in a flash of cleverness it came to him. The rules of football say that there has to be at seven players in a team for the game to be fair. Here was his chance to not lose the match and to have everybody talking about him and his pigs rather than those Owls. Now then children how many pigs would have to be told they could not play any longer before this could happen? Yes, that’s right, another two.

By this time though he had so many pigs who had been naughty that if any more were he would be in the naughty corner too. So Daddy Pig had to send on all three of his substitute little pigs, take three off, and find a way to get two more off without them being naughty. What a challenge for him! But Daddy Pig knew he could rely on Michael and Rob to fall down with their legs hurting and not be able to play any more. When Mr Eddie realised what had happened and that the pigs had only got six pigs left to play he had to tell Meggo that the match could not continue. Well, Meggo was furious and shouted at people and blamed it all on Daddy Pig. Daddy Pig said he did not know what Meggo was talking about and would have to wait until he had seen what Mr Eddie would write about it in his report – what a cheeky scamp he is, isn’t he children?

Well, what bother all this caused! Daddy Pig got his name in all of the newspapers and he was on the radio all the time. He even said that Meggo was moaning, this caused everyone to laugh loudly as everybody knows that no one moans more than Daddy Pig usually!

Those people in charge of Daddy Pig told him that he had to dig himself out of this hole because they did not want the men from London to accuse the pigs of beings cheats. So Daddy Pig had to tell Patrick and George that they had been very naughty and that he wasn’t friends with them anymore ( although he is really ), and that they no longer could play in his team. He also had to say that he thought the Baggies had won the match and that he would go and sit somewhere else during future matches so as not to cause any more bother.

All the Owls were hoping that Daddy Pig would not stop being Daddy Pig because they have so much fun laughing at all his antics. Those big pigs in charge of Daddy Pig are not sure it’s a good idea to keep him in charge though. You can see why can’t you children? Anyway we will have to wait and see what happens. But the moral of this story children is - if ever you have a team of silly little pigs, don’t put an ever sillier pig in charge of them!