Oh yes indeed. And desperate times call for desperate measures. As the transfer deadline beckons, Paul Jewell is having to make some innovative moves to strengthen the team. WOTMT has exclusively obtained information that many an Owl may find disturbing to say the least. Investigative journalist Dancing Boy Girl Thing from South America has revealed five proposals that could mean big changes for Sheffield Wednesday.

First is a rumour from a source within the club that at the end of the season goalkeeper Kevin Pressman is to be sold and replaced by the London Dome. “The shirt would be about the same size, the Dome would come on a free and if we prise it into the net in front of the Kop it might well keep out a number of goals” said a spokesperson.

Truth, kiss or dare? 4/10 – Unlikely the Dome would go anywhere other than Hartlepool United.

Secondly is speculation that Captain and Centre Half Des Walker is to be released on a free transfer. “It’s a scandal” said a man in the street waiting for a number 49 bus to Wordsworth Avenue. “And to plan to replace him with with two four pound bags of crinkle cut chips from Safeway just because they are on offer as two for one is an insult”.

Truth, kiss or dare? 2/10 – Unlikely the Owls would go for crinkle cut, and would probably prefer waffles or something similar.

Thirdly is the entire Wednesday midfield who are to be relaced with puppy dogs abandoned at the RSPCA following the Christmas holiday period. “We see that we could give four dogs a good home and save some money at the same time. It’s got to be good for the club” said spokesperson Howard’s Pulley.

Truth, kiss or dare? – 8/10 – Very likely given the increasing influence of Sir Stanley Headfire at all levels of the Club.

Fourthly, and perhaps most surprising of all, is an audacious bid to sell Andy Booth back to his home town Huddersfield with an old dark satanic mill chimney coming in the other direction. “This is a great move for both clubs”said a player’s (and chimney’s) agent. “The chimney would play a similar role to the one currently played by Andy and would only cost an initial £100”. He added “While Andy is clearly faster over longer distances, I don’t think the fans would see a lot of differences in the sprint speed between the two”.

Truth, kiss or dare? – 7/10 – Don’t be surprised by anything with an agent involved. Would have to be a large chimney to emulate Boothy’s power in the air.

And finally at number five is a replacement of the SWFC management team with a frying pan full of bacon and a whistling kettle. “I think we’d get the same sound effect as Jewell and Shreeves with these two items, but we would have to do something about the coaching role. I am not saying for one minute that the current management team could be replaced simply by imitating their matchday warblings “ said Laughing Dave who originally wrote to the Green ‘Un with the idea but failed to get the letter published.

Truth, kiss or dare? - 0/10. Very unlikely. Not even smoked back bacon would be able to take on such a demanding role.